Thursday, October 11, 2012

i'm a hard person to love, part three

After two years of lots of tears, fighting, extreme jealousy (on my part), but lots of love, memories, and growing as people, a couple, but most importantly, as best friends, the long distance was finally over. Our relationship would finally go beyond the occasional plane ride, late night texts, those rare (but wonderful) letters, and lots and lots of missing. Now, we could actually say we were starting a world together, a physical world that went beyond the constant world we always found ourselves in.

The funny thing is, I think that I can mark this moment in my life as the beginning of me growing up. I was suddenly leaving my daydreams, to finally have them become reality. We had picked a town, and even though things fell through, we still moved. We still tried it. We moved to Humboldt County, California. It wasn't at all what we had expected, but I still look back at those four months so fondly. From 'The Shack', to just enjoying lazy nights in our own HOME with my best friend. 

Eventually, we learned it wasn't the place for us, and we returned home, back to Southern California, back to somewhere temporary, but life always has a way to throw you for a loop. A few months after we moved back, my baby brother was hit by a truck while riding his skateboard. Ryan got the call, because he was my brothers emergency contact, and without a second thought he jumped in the car with me, my mom, and my dad. The time from then to now is a little bit blurry. We, including Ryan, lived in a hotel room for three months praying that my brother would get better. Without Ryan, I would not have made it through that. He was my strength on the nights where I wondered if my baby brother would ever be okay. I fell even more in love with him during this. 

Eventually, my baby brother got better; thanks to Ryan. He took the time to hang out with his 'brain damaged' best friend, and he never gave up hope. He still hasn't. He is an incredible man. I'm lucky to be his and to be able to call him mine.

But, like most twenty somethings, we knew we needed to explore the world for a little bit. And as much as we both LOVE our families, it was time to move again. 

And here we are in Colorado. 

You know, I could have made this story fairy-tale like, but I didn't, because I feel like too many people do. This is supposed to be real, and I fear not enough of us are real. Love is amazing, but it's also hard, painful and full of heartbreak. But,  through all of this, when I get home to Ryan; my heart feels so happy. It doesn't matter the location, or the amount of money in our bank accounts, it's us. As long as I'm experiencing the world with my best friend, that's all I could ask for in the world. 

After all, I'm a hard person to love, and he loves all of me. And tomorrow, he will have been loving me for five years. I could have never dreamed of anything better.

Stay tuned, because I know there is going to be more. 

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