Wednesday, October 3, 2012

honesty corner, four

There is not a damn thing I know about this world. At least, that's how life feels. I'm sure it's normal, expected even. You reach your twenties and you suddenly realize that you have no idea how life works or even why life works the way it does. Then it goes deep into you understanding that you don't have yourself figured out nearly as much as you thought, and really you're on this never ending journey that is you figuring out yourself and this world.

One day you find yourself in a new state, and a blind recollection of how you got there. You may have known why at one point, but looking back at that version of yourself, it feels a little blurry. You think of the happiness you do have here, and how in love you are, and that helps sooth your worried soul a little bit more. You drive home and see the mountains and once again, you're a little bit more soothed.

But none of that is answers, or family, or friends. You come to realize that maybe it doesn't matter the location you find yourself, but who you're around, but wait, didn't you know that? You thought you were moving here for the right reasons. Don't doubt your past self purely based on the fact that things simply did not work out. Because in reality, things rarely work out the way you imagined them. You can daydream and daydream for days, and things will probably have a different outcome than you thought.

So here I am, a girl who followed her heart and her most recent daydreams. Not living the life I expected, but enjoying the moments as they come. Maybe we were meant to come here to learn about ourselves, and each other, and who we are as a couple. Things don't work out the way you wanted, but does that mean that they were wrong? Not at all.

It's good to have your daydreams. It's even good to live in them. I will never, ever say that someone should stop daydreaming. Daydreams make the world go round, I honestly believe that.

To put it simply, puberty never ends. It just continues on with new confusions. Life is a funny, funny thing.

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