i'm a hard person to love, part three

After two years of lots of tears, fighting, extreme jealousy (on my part), but lots of love, memories, and growing as people, a couple, but most importantly, as best friends, the long distance was finally over. Our relationship would finally go beyond the occasional plane ride, late night texts, those rare (but wonderful) letters, and lots and lots of missing. Now, we could actually say we were starting a world together, a physical world that went beyond the constant world we always found ourselves in.

The funny thing is, I think that I can mark this moment in my life as the beginning of me growing up. I was suddenly leaving my daydreams, to finally have them become reality. We had picked a town, and even though things fell through, we still moved. We still tried it. We moved to Humboldt County, California. It wasn't at all what we had expected, but I still look back at those four months so fondly. From 'The Shack', to just enjoying lazy nights in our own HOME with my best friend. 

Eventually, we learned it wasn't the place for us, and we returned home, back to Southern California, back to somewhere temporary, but life always has a way to throw you for a loop. A few months after we moved back, my baby brother was hit by a truck while riding his skateboard. Ryan got the call, because he was my brothers emergency contact, and without a second thought he jumped in the car with me, my mom, and my dad. The time from then to now is a little bit blurry. We, including Ryan, lived in a hotel room for three months praying that my brother would get better. Without Ryan, I would not have made it through that. He was my strength on the nights where I wondered if my baby brother would ever be okay. I fell even more in love with him during this. 

Eventually, my baby brother got better; thanks to Ryan. He took the time to hang out with his 'brain damaged' best friend, and he never gave up hope. He still hasn't. He is an incredible man. I'm lucky to be his and to be able to call him mine.

But, like most twenty somethings, we knew we needed to explore the world for a little bit. And as much as we both LOVE our families, it was time to move again. 

And here we are in Colorado. 

You know, I could have made this story fairy-tale like, but I didn't, because I feel like too many people do. This is supposed to be real, and I fear not enough of us are real. Love is amazing, but it's also hard, painful and full of heartbreak. But,  through all of this, when I get home to Ryan; my heart feels so happy. It doesn't matter the location, or the amount of money in our bank accounts, it's us. As long as I'm experiencing the world with my best friend, that's all I could ask for in the world. 

After all, I'm a hard person to love, and he loves all of me. And tomorrow, he will have been loving me for five years. I could have never dreamed of anything better.

Stay tuned, because I know there is going to be more. 

daily rambles, october eleventh

I'm sitting here reminiscing that tomorrow will mark half a decade of being with Ryan, and how at twenty-one that concept seems bizarre, but magical. All I can think about is our first 'date', at sixteen, breaking into a middle school and running around like little kids, and how we're still those little kids, just odd grown up (and messed up) versions of those kids. I'm lucky to have this boy in my life, and I have sense the first text.

On another note, hopefully I'll be more active with Etsy next week. Some weeks I feel completely on top of it, then others my day job sucks the life out of me. So, fingers crossed for a successful week before I rush away to California for my big brother's wedding! (October 27th!)

I hope you all are having a wonderful week, and life, and fall.

l.shane

finding the music, five

This song brings me to a happy place.

Blue Skies | Noah and the Whale

Stay tuned,
l.shane

honesty corner, five

So this is a confession, and a confession that might not be popular among most...

I have a deep seeded hatred for animal print. It's nothing about animal rights, or PETA, or anything like that. I just hate it. I won't even buy a coat or a bra if there is animal print on the inside that is not visible. 

There it is, folks. My unpopular opinion. Whew, feels good to get that off my chest! 

Stay tuned, 

l.shane

the soulless feature, flats are not in season?!

belle by Sigerson Morrison flat heels / Steve Madden flat heels / Steven by Steve Madden studded ballet flat / Small heels / Hop, Scallop, and a Jump Flat


Wait, are you telling me that it's cold outside? WHAT, it snows HERE?! My feet are going to freeze? Oh well, these are cute, and my feet are used to being frozen. Flats are autumn appropriate, says the California girl.

Stay tuned,
l.shane

honesty corner, four

There is not a damn thing I know about this world. At least, that's how life feels. I'm sure it's normal, expected even. You reach your twenties and you suddenly realize that you have no idea how life works or even why life works the way it does. Then it goes deep into you understanding that you don't have yourself figured out nearly as much as you thought, and really you're on this never ending journey that is you figuring out yourself and this world.

One day you find yourself in a new state, and a blind recollection of how you got there. You may have known why at one point, but looking back at that version of yourself, it feels a little blurry. You think of the happiness you do have here, and how in love you are, and that helps sooth your worried soul a little bit more. You drive home and see the mountains and once again, you're a little bit more soothed.

But none of that is answers, or family, or friends. You come to realize that maybe it doesn't matter the location you find yourself, but who you're around, but wait, didn't you know that? You thought you were moving here for the right reasons. Don't doubt your past self purely based on the fact that things simply did not work out. Because in reality, things rarely work out the way you imagined them. You can daydream and daydream for days, and things will probably have a different outcome than you thought.

So here I am, a girl who followed her heart and her most recent daydreams. Not living the life I expected, but enjoying the moments as they come. Maybe we were meant to come here to learn about ourselves, and each other, and who we are as a couple. Things don't work out the way you wanted, but does that mean that they were wrong? Not at all.

It's good to have your daydreams. It's even good to live in them. I will never, ever say that someone should stop daydreaming. Daydreams make the world go round, I honestly believe that.

To put it simply, puberty never ends. It just continues on with new confusions. Life is a funny, funny thing.

finding the music, four

I'm not sure if you're a 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' fan, but I am. I'm actually a hardcore fan. Yeah, one of those kids who claim it changed their life, because, well, it kind of did. Since I found out there was going to be a movie, I've kind of watched that trailer too many times to count, or admit. It was just a perk (pun INTENDED) that the song from that trailer was incredible, and it tickled that inspiration bone. So just listen, and enjoy!

It's Time - Imagine Dragons

Stay tuned,
l.shane